080629 SARATOGA SRM
“WHEN I WAS A CHILD”
A Discourse by Rev. Robert Eddy
Delivered August 6, 2008
UU Fellowship, Saratoga Springs, NY

READING:
“Each morning I am something new.”
by Delmore Schwartz.

“I am cherry alive, ” the little girl sang,
“each morning I am something new:
I am apple, I am plum, I am just as excited
As the boys who made the Hallowe’en bang’
I am tree, I am cat, I am blossom too:
When I like, if I like, I can be someone new,
Someone very old, a witch in a zoo;
I can be someone else wherever I think who,
Anld I want to be everything sometimes too:
……………………………

But I don’t tell the grown-ups; because it is sad,
And I want them to laugh just like I do
Because they grew up and forgot what they knew
And they are sure I will forget it someday too.

They are wrong. They are wrong.
When I sang my song, I knew, I knew!
I am red, I am gold, I am green, I am blue,
I will always be me, I will always be new.

As quoted in EXUBERANCE: THE PASSION FOR LIFE by Kay Redrield Jamison.

CHILDREN’S STORY

THE WOLVES WITHIN (A Native American Tale) 

There was once a young member of our nation who was for no apparent reason beaten up and seriously injured by another boy. He came to his grandfather and said, “I hate that boy!”

The Grandfather said. 
”I too, at times, have felt great hate for those who have taken so much, with no sorrow for what they do. But hate wears you down, and does not hurt your enemy. It’s like taking poison yourself and wishing your enemy would die. 
”I have struggled with these feelings many times.” 
”It is as if there are two wolves inside me; one is good and does no harm. He lives in harmony with all around him and does not take offense when no offense was intended. He will only fight when it is right to do so, and in the right way. But … the other wolf …ah! The littlest thing will send him into a fit of temper. He fights everyone, all of the time, for no reason. He cannot think because his anger and hate are so great. It is helpless anger, for his anger will change nothing. Sometimes it is hard to live with these two wolves inside me, for both of them try to dominate my spirit.” 
The boy looked intently into his Grandfather’s eyes and asked, “Which one wins, Grandfather?” 
The Grandfather smiled and quietly said, 
”The one I feed.”

WHEN I WAS A CHILD ….

If I were speaking this morning at the old Methodist church in Saratoga in which I was raised and in which I was ordained fifty two years ago, I would be explaining why there was no real contradiction between the opinions of Paul and Jesus. But since I am no longer a Christian I don’t need to do that. It seems to me that these two men of the first century of our era had very different views with which we can agree or differ.

Paul wrote in his famous chapter on love
“When I was a child, I spake as a child, I felt as a child, I thought as a child: now that I am become a man, I have put away childish things.”

But Jesus – who never wrote anything so far as we know – is reported to have said that we should become as a little child if we want to enter the kingdom of heaven.

Which is right? Should we, as Ehrman, in his famous poem, Disiderata, “Take kindly the counsel of the years, 
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.” Or should we as Carl Seaburg wrote, in the hymn with which we’ll close this service, “seek the Spirit of a Child.”

Well, it will surprise none of you that I believe we should do both. The question is: Which ways of the child should we keep and which replace.

I think we should “be as gentle as a dove AND as wise as a serpent.”

As time allows I’m going to suggest two things we should abandon from the way of the child and two things we should retain; The first thing we should abandon is:
EGOCENTRICITY
Forty one years ago, a wise woman in my Farmington church handed me a poem she had written.
“Each of us is on the edge of many things
But at the center of his own life.
Each of us suffers his own birth,
Endures his own headache,
Passes his own death.
Grant yourself this aloneness.
Give all others this aloneness.
And loneliness
will gradually pass from your life.”

Norma Cole, © 1967

Being the center of the world is natural for the child; the child who in Seaburg’s words, “Sings the World Alive and greets the morning sun with glee.”

For the child it really is “all about me, me, me.” And that’s o.k. And it is natural for the child to engage in grandiose dreams of his or her role in the workings of the world. The “transformer” toys and T.V. series capture this, as does the poem by Delmore Schwartz which Linda read earlier.

But the self centeredness of a child; the heroic visions in which we “save the world” each in his or her own peculiar way – this kind of grandiosity is something one should abandon at some point in life.

I’ve thought a lot about Don Quixote recently – especially the broadway version found in “Man of LaMancha.”

“To Dream the impossible dream, to fight the unbeatable foe to bear with unbearable sorrow, to run where the brave dare not go, to right the unrightable wrong, to love pure and chaste from a far, to try when your arms are too weary to reach the unreachable star. This is my quest, to follow that star, no matter how hopeless, no matter how far, to fight for the right without question or pause to be willing to march into hell for a heavenly cause f and I know that if only I’ll be true to this glorious quest, that my heart will lie peaceful and calm when I’m laid to my rest. And the world will be better for this; that one man scorned and covered with scars still strove with his last ounce of courage to reach that unreachable star.”

It’s a powerful myth especially when set to music. The heroes – or heroine’s quest – to change the world but when extended too far it results in “tilting at windmills. The child in each of us dreams impossible dreams but I think the “mature” person needs to focus, as Spike Lee put it “to do the right thing.” That’s what Gandhi did. He was accused of being a saint trying to be a politician but he replied, “Oh no, I am a politician trying to be a saint.” He warned, as had Hindu, and Buddhist, and Christian sages before him to remain detached from ends. To NOT hang your hopes on a star, but be meticulous in finding the best alternative among the always less than perfect choices facing you. The child hopes to save the world. The mature person seeks to live out the Spirit of Love. Perhaps that’s what Paul was trying to say when he suggested we put away childish things. I don’t know. But I know it’s what I believe.

So the first childish characteristic I think one should abandon is egotism, grandiosity, the illusion that you can be savior of the world.
It takes a long time to get beyond feeling that one is the center of the universe It took me a long time for me to know in my heart that I am no more the center of the Universe than any other person is. Or perhaps I should put it this way: I am no more -and no less – the center of the universe than any other person.

But there is a truth hidden beneath the childish dream of the hero conquering all. It is that we really don’t know what we can accomplish. In the great mystery called history the seeming impossible often happens. Who could have imagined that a “half naked fakir” as Churchill called him, could take the “Jewel in the Crown” out of the British Empire. But Gandhi didn’t do it by being a Hero, but – to quote Spike Lee – by doing the right thing. Gandhi’s concern was to remain true to what he perceived as “the voice of God” within’. He warned that one should never be attached to “ends.” He sought to find a path to a better situation without violence. And at that he was a genius.

He was no Don Quixote but he moved history his way. He taught me to not be concerned with success but of how well I position the “stubborn ounces of my weight” to restore balance.

The second characteristic of childhood which I think we should “gently surrender is GULLIBILITY.”
Joni Mitchell expressed that for a generation in her song, “BOTH SIDES NOW”

Rows and floes of angel hair
And ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons everywhere
I’ve looked at clouds that way.

But now they only block the sun
They rain and snow on everyone
So many things I would have done
But clouds got in my way.

I’ve looked at clouds from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
Its cloud illusions I recall
I really don’t know clouds at all.

Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels
The dizzy dancing way you feel
As every fairy tale comes real
I’ve looked at love that way.

But now its just another show
You leave ‘em laughing when you go
And if you care, don’t let them know
Don’t give yourself away

I’ve looked at love from both sides now
From give and take, and still somehow
Its loves illusions I recall
I really don’t know love at all
Tears and fears and feeling proud
To say I love you right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds
I’ve looked at life that way

But now old friends are acting strange
They shake their heads, they say I’ve changed
Well something’s lost, but something’s gained
In living every day

I’ve looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
Its life’s illusions I recall
I really don’t know life at all

I’ve looked at life from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
Its life’s illusions I recall
I really don’t know life at all

Joni Mitchell, Written March 1967 (Wikipedia)

The world weary moans of a Joni and her generation were inappropriate excessive – as was almost everything those early “boomers” did in the 60’s and 70’s. And not just the boomers: we older “boomer wannabes” who tried living the adolescence we never had were also excessive. But they and we were seeking to escape the gullibility of youth only to fall into new traps. Drugs, cults, anarchism.

But the process was healthy. As we “gently surrender the things of youth” we need to test clouds, love and life. And we need to let go of the illusions. We need to be DIS-ILLUSIONED. Not CYNICAL as is the old preacher Eccleseastes at the beginning of his oration, “Vanity, vanity saith the preacher – all is vanity.” No that kind of cynicism is a copout. What is needed is an informed and resilient faith that amid all the canges something holds true. Again, that’s what Paul was saying when he defined love in that same chapter of his first letter to congregation in Corinth. Joni Mitchell quite rightly didn’t know love or life at 23 when she wrote her song, but certainly by the time one is 70 there should be at least a few certainties. Ehrman put it this way,
But as Max Ehrman put it, “do not be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.”

So I’ve suggested so far two childish characteristics – Egoism and Credulity – that should have been “put away” when we became adults.

I’d now like
to suggest two charteristics of childhood that we should retain as we age. They are EXUBERANCE AND SPONTANEOUS LOVE.

WHAT IS EXUBERANCE? Dr. Kay Redfield, professor of Psychiatry at Johnson Hopkins University School of Medicine, in her book
EXUBERANCE: THE PASSION FOR LIFE WRITES:
“ Exuberance is an abounding, ebullient, effervescent emotion. It is kinetic and unrestrained, joyful, irrepressible. It is not happiness although they share a border. It is instead, at its core, a more restless, billowing state. Certainly it is no lulling sense of contentment: exuberance leaps, bubbles, and overflows, propels its energy through troop and tribe. It spreads upward and outward, like pollen toted by dancing bees, and in this carrying ideas are moved and actions taken. Yet exuberance and joy are fragile matter. Bubbles burst: a wince of disapproval can cut dead a whistle or abort a cartwheel. The exuberant move above the horizon, exposed and vulnerable.”
…
“Exuberance [is] joy’s more energetic relation.”
…
For a few, exuberance is in the blood, an irrepressible life force. It may ebb and flow, but the underlying capacity for joy is as much a part of the person as having green eyes or a long waist.”

Now I disagree with Dr. Jamison. I think, as did Eric Berne, that every healthy child is born Exuberant – some more than others. But whether most or only a few, the emotion Exuberance is common in children. Unfortunately, as they say, it’s soon ‘knocked out of them.” Charley Brown of Peanuts fame is one whose exuberance is being constantly undermined. And another of Shultz’s characters, Snoopy the dog is one whose Exuberance survives every challenge. Dr. Jamison’s delightful book explores not only fictional characters but such very real Exuberant personalities as Teddy Roosevelt and Richard Feynman and Winston Churchill. If we had time I’d play for you a musical expression of Exuberance – a rewriting of the words of Sweet Charity’s “Rhythm of Life” which begin,

When I started down the street last Sunday,
Feelin’ mighty low and kinda mean,
Suddenly a voice said “Go forth, neighbor!
Spread the picture on a wider screen!”
And the voice said “Neighbor there’s a million reasons
why you should be glad in all four seasons!
Hit the road neighbor, leave your worries and strife!
Spread the religion of the rhythm of life”

For the rhythm of life is a powerful beat.
Puts a tingle in your fingers and a tingle in your feet!
Rhythm on the inside, rhythm on the street.
And the rhythm of life is a powerful beat!

The tune is almost hypnotic and hard to get out of your head. I used to dance around the circle of the “great room” of the Schenectady UU church to the consternation of many!

I’d recommend the book unequivocally. It might help you to re-connect with the Exuberance you have repressed over the years. There are risks involved. There’s always a “Lucy” who will tempt you over and over to have faith then pull the football away at the last moment – or the chair, or the ladder, or the crutch or whatever you use to keep you from falling from Exuberance into Cynicism or Depression

But this is not a review sermon. As the clock moves on inexorably – on your wall as in life – I need to conclude with the second characteristic of childhood we should retain. Unrestrained and spontaneous love – “To say I love you right out loud” to be openly affectionate.

That’s not easy these days. “Don’t touch” is now the rule, where “please touch” was the rule at the dawning of the age of Aquarius. The chronological child and “the child within” can’t express love or appreciate love without touching. Our fear of sexual exploitation has made spontaneous expression of affection in many cases illegal. Of course hugging was overdone and for adolescents of whatever age, everything can be eroticized. But just as newborns cannot survive without regular touching so also the child within. The sources of energy, all of which are stored in the inner child, need constant stroking. Yes complements and expressions of appreciation or other forms of “warm fuzziest” are good. But hugs are what we need when we’re really down.

I’ve been doing a lot of people watching on this trip and am always delighted when I see the unaffected hugging between parents and children.

So, to summarize. Surrender the self centeredness and credulity of childhood but keep the Exuberance and unfeigned and unconditional expression of love.

Now you realize that if we had enough time we could extend both these lists indefinitely. . Some additional child like characteristics we could cultivate are found in your hymnal # 664. The title is “Give Us the Spirit of a Child.

We could write a book. But I must end. So let me suggest a way that you might decide what to keep and what to surrender, in so far as in you lies. It too was popular in the sixties.

There was another song popular in the 60’s. Some of you may remember it:
“To everything, turn, turn, turn
there is a season, turn, turn, turn,
And a time for every purpose under heaven.”

I think the fogs made the first recording but Unitarian … made it famous: it’s the conclusion to OLD ECCLESIASTES sermon which starts, “Vanity, Vanity, says the preacher, all is vanity and the breaking of wind.” And yes the original writer meant exactly what is expressed in a four letter word beginning with f and ending with t with are in the middle. The ultimate cynic. But at the end of the original document without the pious emendations, the old preacher ends with these words:
“To everything there is a season.”